Time: Hurry Up, Slow Down

This time last year the days were long and the nights longer. I couldn't wait to meet my son, it was still scorching hot, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't sit comfortably, I was sore all the time.  I really didn't think the day would ever come. I did everything I could to pass the time. I didn't really enjoy my last days with just James or my days of quiet meals or lingering in bed as long as I wanted. Please time, hurry up!!

This October, most days are long and some nights involve little sleep. I'm tired, but I find myself wishing night wouldn't come. Not yet. The end of each day puts us closer to my baby boy turning one year old. Please time, slow down!!

When I lay my tired body down each  night my mind immediately begins to replay my the best day of my life. My thoughts start with me standing up at 1:20 am and immediately knowing, this is it!! "James wake up, my water just broke. Noah is coming today!"

Then I remember the man standing in front of the hospital who sent us through door with a fist pump and "hey!! Congratulations!" I go through each moment of labor and delivery in my mind. I tell people, I would rather not be pregnant again, but I would like to give birth once a week. I loved it so much. 

The days following were so sweet. I couldn't imagine life without Noah. Then things got harder and then easier and then harder again. But each day of this year has been so fun. I love Noah's beautiful eyelashes and his huge teeth. I love the way his arms flap, his fat feet twirl and he says "dadadadada" at the sound of the garage door each evening. I love that he makes strangers smile. I love that he reaches for me and his eyes search for me and then show relief once he has found me, while in someone else's arms. His skin is soft, his eyes beautiful, his laugh adorable.

I find myself rocking him a little longer, kissing him more often and my eyes misting up each time he nurses. This year has been the best. I know it is such a blessing to have a healthy, growing child and I know that just because the calendar marks one year doesn't suddenly mean everything will change. He will always be my precious son. I am so full of joy and gratitude, mixed with a touch of sadness and maybe a bit of anxiety. Mostly, my heart is swollen with love for one adorable little dude.