Weekend in Photos

Doggie Found a Home

I just MIGHT be getting back into this blogging thing! I just hope I'll be able to get my readers back now!
I'm not sure if I ever showed you this other dog that I'm in love with. I spotted this dog at a junk store and did not buy him. I regretted it immediately. I thought about this dog for months, I even dreamed about him. When I finally convinced myself that he had to become a Silvester, I brought him home, continued to love him, but couldn't find the perfect spot for him. Since then he has guarded our front door on the porch. He looked handsome, but I really wanted to bring him inside.

Mom and I spent the first weekend of April in Granbury where I fell in love again. This time it was with a super cool metal trunk. I brought it home and the dog is the perfect accessory. This is now my favorite area of the house.

Doesn't he look handsome? And isn't the trunk super cool?

We're All Grown Up

James and I have been a part of a "Foundations Group" at church since October of 2008. "Foundation Groups" are small groups for young married couples with a mentor couple. The hope is that after a year and a half the group will be able to step out on their own without the mentor couple and continue to "do life together." Last month we completed our curriculum and are now on our own. We decided that going on a retreat would be a great way to start this new chapter for our group. We have truly been blessed by this group. Unfortunately many groups don't even make it to the end and or choose not to continue with the group after completing the "foundation" part. All 10 members of us have probably wanted to drop out at some point, but instead we have put forth the effort required to keep going. It has definitely been worth it! We had a great time this weekend and have high hopes for the future.

We ate a ton, worshipped the Lord, laughed uncontrollably, shed a few tears, dreamed of our future, opened our hearts, sipped on wine, stayed up too late, got up too early, talked about babies, sat in silence, encouraged each other, plowed through bags of candy, went for a run (guys only) quoted movies, nicknamed each other, lounged in our pjs, slurped spaghetti, watched the rain and enjoyed one another. It was great!

I love this very accurate picture of all of us

James and Rachel, Clay and Amanda, Michael and Kristen, Wes and Holly, Robert and Michelle

Pretty Ladies

Handsome Men

I just like how funny they think each other is

Not sure whose idea it was that James and I needed to be picked up

Hmmm

Thankful for a great weekend!

Honesty

Writing is therapy. I'm not wanting to be this honest and I'm not asking for sympathy, but I'm hoping writing will give me some comfort. I'm totally discontent and have been for several months. I hate not being content. I have a wonderful life, full of treasures, but I don't have the one thing I've wanted for as long as I can remember. Most days my heart is hurting so much that I miss out on the joy and beauty around me. I don't like it. I have no idea how to get out of this horrible funk.
If you know me at all, you know what the "one thing" is. Yep, a baby. I've been so ready for so long to be a mother, but it is not yet my time. That crushes me. I felt like I finally came to a real peace about waiting and then out of nowhere signs were pointing to the the wonderful thought that a baby was inside me. It was my dream coming true. It was wonderful until the doctor said the word negative. So now it is all I think about, dream about and want to talk about. The feeling of longing is nothing I can describe.
The feeling won't go away and I don't want it to, but I have to find a way to be happy while waiting patiently. I have to find a way to not be mad or bitter. I see the bitterness in myself and it is oh so ugly. I keep praying for a baby, but also pray for peace while I wait for the baby. It feels contradicting. I start off my day with prayer for gratitude and happiness and out of nowhere I get a call that so and so is pregnant or I see precious children with their mothers and I fall back into the sadness and bitterness.
I MUST work towards happiness and joy. I want that and need it in order to survive. I know that our day will come. It will, I don't doubt it. I know that it will also be so much more than I can even imagine at this point. It will be worth the wait. I fully expect to continue to have really hard days, but I'm hoping to have more good than bad. I've missed too much already and I don't want to miss anything else. Today is a new day.

For The Moms