Reminiscing

Yesterday morning I decided to start year 24 off on the right foot by going for a work-out. I got out of bed and dressed in whatever work-out clothes I happened to find first. On my way out the door, James made a comment about how "cute" I looked. Thats when I looked at myself and realized that I was wearing a shirt, capri pants, sports bra, socks and tennis shoes that James had given me for my birthday last year. I have tons and tons of clothes that I always mix and match for work-outs. What are the odds that everything I was wearing yesterday were things that I had gotten exactly one year ago? I said so to James who then began to laugh and asked "do you remember what you did when I gave you all of those things?"

Back-up to April 25th of last year: I was living in an apartment with a whopping 420 square feet 2 hours away from James. He was wearing a huge boot, using crutches and toting two huge buckets everywhere he went to soak his foot every couple of hours. Oh yeah and we had only begun to see each other following the divorce about three weeks earlier. He drove to Tyler to take me out to dinner for my birthday. He brought in two huge bags full of birthday goodies for me. Among them, the clothing mentioned above. With each item I opened I smiled, said "I love it, thank you" and so forth. After opening everything I began to cry and told James that no matter what he couldn't buy me back, this relationship would never work, he may as well leave, yadda, yadda, yadda. I still wasn't convinced that we should reconcile. When he returned to Dallas, he didn't take my gifts with him and I didn't open them again for weeks.

Now fast-forward to yesterday: Could our life be any different? As I spent my half-hour on the eliptical I couldn't help but reminisce about this past year. Of course on the surface, it is obvious that things are different. But it is so much more. A year ago, I didn't know if James and I would ever be able to share our lives together, I didn't know if he would be committed to me forever, I didn't even know if he really loved me. What I did know was that I didn't trust him and I was scared out of my mind! Today, I have no doubt that James is committed to me, that he is in love with me and that we will share a wonderful, beautiful life together. I am no longer scared of him or of loving him.

What a difference one year can make! I think even if I hadn't of had that work-out, I still would have started year 24 on the right foot because I started it with James.